10. Private Messages from some guy named “Fluffy.”
9. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
8. You find strange fanpages have been liked i.e. Recreational Catnip Users.
7. Your Facebook has numerous links to Funny Feline Films
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it … and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. All your facebook friends with Dog Photos have been mysteriously unfriended
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. Your facebook account has been linked to a new twitter account: IronMouser
2. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
1. Your Facebook profile Picture has been replaced with a photo of your cat

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?”

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened.”

 

Christmas Collection
Games and Activities helping youth discover the Reason for the Season.

Get more than 200 creative ideas for planning a Youth Christmas celebration or Christmas Party party. You can immediately download my best Christmas Icebreakers, games, illustrations, Christmas activity ideas AND MUCH MORE in a useful ebook!

=> Tell me more about the Christmas Collection

• A youth’s bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s “passage-restrictive.”
• Youth don’t get in trouble anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
• Youth don’t have a bad hair day; they’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”
• No one’s tall anymore. They’re “vertically enhanced.”
• Youth are not shy. They’re “conversationally selective.”
• Youth don’t talk a lot. They’re just “abundantly verbal.”
• Youth don’t gossip anymore. It’s “transmission of near-factual information.”
• The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.”
• A youth’s homework isn’t missing; it’s just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”
• Youth don’t sleeping in class; they’re “rationing consciousness.”
• Youth don’t have smelly gym socks; they have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”
• Youth don’t pass notes in class. They are “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”
• Youth aren’t sent to the principal’s office. They’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth over again today, He would be wanted by…

The FDA for turning water into wine without a license,

The EPA for killing fig trees,

The AMA for practicing medicine without a license,

The Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead and for feeding 5,000
people in the wilderness,

The NEA for teaching without a certificate,

OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying without an airplane,

The SPCA for driving hogs into the sea,

The NATIONAL BOARD OF PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life,

The NOW for not choosing a woman among the 12 disciples,

The ABORTION RIGHTS LEAGUE for saying that whoever harms children, it is better that they had never been born,

The INTER-FAITH MOVEMENT for condemning all other religions,

And by the ZONING DEPT. for building mansions without a permit.

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

Here lies Captain Ernest Bloomfield. Accidentally shot by his orderly, March 2nd 1879. Well done, good and faithful servant.

— grave inscription of a British soldier, in Northwest Frontier of modern-day Pakistan.

Author Unknown

The sleigh was all packed, the reindeer were fed,
But Santa still knelt by the side of the bed.

“Dear Father,” he prayed “Be with me tonight.
There’s much work to do and my schedule is tight.

I must jump in my sleigh and streak through the sky,
Knowing full well that a reindeer can’t fly.

I will visit each household before the first light,
I’ll cover the world and all in one night.

With sleigh bells a-ringing, I’ll land on each roof,
Amid the soft clatter of each little hoof.

To get in the house is the difficult part,
So I’ll slide down the chimney of each child’s heart.

My sack will hold toys to grant all their wishes.
The supply will be endless like the loaves and the fishes.

I will fill all the stockings and not leave a track.
I’ll eat every cookie that is left for my snack.

I can do all these things Lord, only through You,
I just need your blessing, then it’s easy to do.

All this is to honor the birth of the One,
That was sent to redeem us, Your most Holy Son.

So to all of my friends, least Your glory I rob,
Please Lord, remind them who gave me this job.”

Christmas Collection
Games and Activities helping youth discover the Reason for the Season.Get more than 200 creative ideas for planning a Youth Christmas celebration or Christmas Party party. You can immediately download my best Christmas Icebreakers, games, illustrations, Christmas activity ideas AND MUCH MORE in a useful ebook!
=> Tell me more about the Christmas Collection

Child advocates would remove the child from the custody of his mother when they discovered she was shacking with a guy (not the child’s father) in a barn. In most jurisdictions that would constitute child neglect.

Of course, Mary would have an underpaid court appointed attorney to represent her in the dependent-neglect proceeding, and Joseph would be out of luck once it was determined that paternity could not be established within a reasonable degree of medical certainty through blood or DNA testing (97% probability that Joe was the dad is sufficient, but absent divine intervention, that couldn’t happen, hmmm?). He would be excluded from juvenile court as a stranger to the proceeding and investigated for possible sexual deviance (all those oxen and asses around), and he would be told that he had no standing to object since he was not the natural father of the child and was not yet married to Mary (by their own admissions they had not yet consummated their union).

The Division of Children and Family Services would ask the court to order Mary to take parenting classes, and the Court would order that homemaker services be provided as well, since obviously Mary can’t keep house properly (the place where the DHS workers found the child was kept remarkably like a barn).

Mary would be allowed to have one visit with Jesus per week at the Centers for Youth and Families. The visit would be one hour long, and supervised by a therapist since Jesus would no doubt be put in therapeutic foster care to prevent psychological damage resulting from the horrible lack of civilization to which he had been exposed at such a tender age.

At the eighteen month dispositional hearing, the court would consider terminating parental rights because of Mary’s refusal to bring a paternity suit against Jesus’ true biological father (or even to identify him to the satisfaction of the Court). The Court would be appalled at the life choices Mary would have made: she would have completed her marriage to Joseph (that suspected sexual deviant) and had more children by him, which was obviously contrary to Jesus’ best interest.

Since Mary and Joseph had fled the jurisdiction with Jesus once to escape encounters with the authorities, they would determine that Mary and Joe had nefarious plans to abscond with the Ward of the State to Egypt again, where they would possibly engage in dangerous and illegal activities with him. Parental rights would be terminated, and Jesus would be put up for adoption.

He would be adopted by the Herods, a well-connected and politically powerful family, who have been searching for just such a child as Jesus. Of course, Jesus will die in the custody of his adoptive family, because that’s all they wanted him for in the first place. Social services will NOT have intervened prior to his death because the state social workers could never imagine someone as highly placed as the Herods exploiting children or torturing them to death. The political ramifications for the Herods would have been too severe. In all likelihood, the social service agencies would cover up the death as one occurring from accident, and Herod’s good name will be preserved.

Source unknown

Christmas Collection
Games and Activities helping youth discover the Reason for the Season.

Get more than 200 creative ideas for planning a Youth Christmas celebration or Christmas Party party. You can immediately download my best Christmas Icebreakers, games, illustrations, Christmas activity ideas AND MUCH MORE in a useful ebook!

=> Tell me more about the Christmas Collection