Squirrels had overrun 3 small churches in a town. After much prayer, the pastor of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who was he to interfere with God’s will? he reasoned. Soon the squirrels multiplied.

The pastor of second church decided that could not harm the squirrels, so that humanely trapped them and set them free outside of town. Three days later, they were back.

The third church succeeded in keeping the pest away. The pastor baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Holiday Collection

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

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10. There’s a minor problem with the air conditioning. We should get it fixed by Friday.

9. We’re running low on refreshments, so we fed the kids chocolate candy and Mountain Dew.

8. Can you come and talk to the first graders? They’ve been crying ever since this morning’s lesson on the lake of fire.

7. Using a hammer is too difficult for our fourth graders, so they’re using a nail gun to build their bird houses.

6. What time were the children supposed to be back from the field trip to the maximum security prison?

5. Can you help for a few minutes with the four-year-olds? A couple of the teachers left the room screaming.

4. No one told us they were permanent markers.

3. We thought paper towels would be okay since we were out of toilet paper.

2. Our substitute pianist doesn’t know the sit down or stand up chords, but he’s memorized a lot of Broadway show tunes.

1. My teachers and I thought this would be a good time to tell the kids that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy are really messengers of Satan.

Source: Gerry Peak (Lifeway.com)

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and
grandpa Morris gets out.

The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said
that he was lost in the park…and couldn’t find his way home.

“Morris”, said grandma, ” You’ve been going to that park for
over 30 years! So how could you get lost ? ”

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear.
Morris whispered, “I wasn’t lost…..I was just too tired to walk home.”

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

The Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him With Many Crowns
The TV Weatherman’s Hymn: There Shall Be Showers Of Blessings
The Contractor’s Hymn: The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn: There Is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn: Standing On The Promises
The Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes That I May See
The IRS Hymn: I Surrender All
The Gossiper’s Hymn: Pass It On
The Electrician’s Hymn: Send Out Thy Light
The Shopper’s Hymn: Sweet Bye And Bye

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed
the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.” He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. I KNOW they’re my feet.”
__________________________________________________

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone
has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”
__________________________________________________

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began
putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

10. You announce the sermon is from Galatians … and everyone checks the table of contents.

9. They think Abraham, Isaac & Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60’s.

8. They open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out.

7. Their favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules.

6. A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in Psalms.

5. They become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn’t listed in either the concordance or the table of contents.

4. Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, they demand: “Who gave you this stuff?”

3. They think the minor prophets worked in the quarries.

2. They keep falling for it every time when you tell them to turn to First Condominiums.

1. The kids keep asking too many questions about their usual bedtime story: “Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors”

200 page e-book that explains everything you need to know when planning your very own object lessons. It contains 90 fully developed object lesson ideas and another 200 object lesson starter ideas based on Biblical idioms and Names / Descriptions of God.

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An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife an Email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it from memory. Unfortunately,he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to the elderly widow of a preacher who had passed away the day before.

When the grieving woman checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything is prepared for you arrival tomorrow.
P. S. It sure is hot down here!

200 page e-book that explains everything you need to know when planning your very own object lessons. It contains 90 fully developed object lesson ideas and another 200 object lesson starter ideas based on Biblical idioms and Names / Descriptions of God.

Learn More…

Children’s Letters to God

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does ‘begat’ mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison

Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
Anita

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now?
Jane

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
Neil

Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother.
Darla

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some
things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
Tom L.

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
Bruce

Dear GOD,
If we come back as something – please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
Denise

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.
Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
Sam

Dear GOD,
You don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways.
Dean

Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Ruth M.

Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I’m not praying.
Elliott

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan

Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.
Rob

Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they?
Marsha

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes.
Mickey D.

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris

Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna

Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah – “You made an ark on dry land you fool.” But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do.
Eddie

Dear GOD,
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already.
Charles

Dear GOD,
I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!
Eugene

200 page e-book that explains everything you need to know when planning your very own object lessons. It contains 90 fully developed object lesson ideas and another 200 object lesson starter ideas based on Biblical idioms and Names / Descriptions of God.

Learn More…

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselors’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. “What seems to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.

The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied, “I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

200 page e-book that explains everything you need to know when planning your very own object lessons. It contains 90 fully developed object lesson ideas and another 200 object lesson starter ideas based on Biblical idioms and Names / Descriptions of God.

Learn More…

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE FROM LITTLE CHILDREN

* No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
* When your Mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
* Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
* School lunches stick to the wall
* You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.

200 page e-book that explains everything you need to know when planning your very own object lessons. It contains 90 fully developed object lesson ideas and another 200 object lesson starter ideas based on Biblical idioms and Names / Descriptions of God.

Learn More…