Category Archives: Humor

Ken’s favorite jokes and funny stories to tickle your funny bone and bring a smile to face. They also add a little life to your youth talks

Where Do Reindeer Come From?

christmas_rudolph.jpg
The Era Leader (weekly paper from Franklinton, LA) Christmas edition asked preschoolers the question “Where does Santa get his reindeer?”

Kristen-Age 4
“He gets ’em over by the church. There’s a big one named Rudolph over there right now. Did you know they like to eat Cowboy Beans?”

Breanna-Age 4
“They come from berry bushes. They can fly if they flap their legs real hard. They can flap and fly for a long time before they get tired.”

Brandon-Age 5
“Santa gets his reindeer in the woods. They live at the North Pole where the Snow Bear lives and you have to catch them with a net ’cause they’re tricky.”

Kevin-Age 4
“Santa saw them flying around the moon one night singing ‘Jingle Bells’ and said ‘Rudolph, will you guide my sleigh tonight?’ and Rudolph said, ‘Sure, I love Christmas!”‘

Hope-Age 4
“You get reindeer at Walmart, silly. They have these little wings, that’s how they fly.”

Evan-Age 3
“He gets ’em up in the sky. Santa has this special boy that feeds ’em reindeer food and that’s what makes ’em fly. That boy don’t like reindeer though cause they eat too much!”

Josh-Age 2
“I don’t know where Santa gets his reindeer, but they sing Jingle Bells when they’re flying and do you know about Rudolph? He’s the one that’s got that nose. He likes to eat donuts!”

Kendra-Age 3
“Santa gets ’em from God. See, Santa and God are good friends and good friends help each other, right?”

Get Creative Youth Ideas: "Christmas Collection" ebook Christmas Collection
Games and Activities helping youth discover the Reason for the Season.

Get more than 200 creative ideas for planning a Youth Christmas celebration or Christmas Party party. You can immediately download my best Christmas Icebreakers, games, illustrations, Christmas activity ideas AND MUCH MORE in a useful ebook!

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Too Much Turkey

I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I’m stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin’
I’m probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.
But I wish I had known when to stop,
For I’m so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams
That my buttons are starting to pop!

I’m full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes
My stomach is swollen and sore,
But there’s still some dessert so I guess it won’t hurt if
I eat just a little bit more!

Get Creative Youth Ideas: "Holiday Collection" ebook Holiday Collection
Games and Activities in Celebration of common Holidays.

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

=> Tell me more about the Holiday Collection

Thanksgiving Cookbook

by Mrs. Geraghty’s Kindergarten Class

NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook.

Russell — Turkey: You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.

Geremy — Turkey: You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat.

Andrew — Pizza: Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Shelby — Applesauce: Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, “Applesauce.” Then you eat it.

Meghan H. — Turkey: You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. You take it out and let it cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.

Danny — Turkey: You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.

Brandon — Turkey: First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it out and eat it.

Megan K — Chicken: You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put gravy on it and eat it.

Christa — Cookies: Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out and dry them off. Then it’s time to eat them.

Irene — Turkey: Put it on a plate and put it in the oven with gravy. You cook it for 1 minute and for 100 degrees. Then it’s all cooked. Your mom or dad cuts it and then eat.

Moriah — Turkey: First you cut the bones out. Then you put it in the oven for 10 hours at 600 degrees. Then you put it on the table and eat it.

Vincent — Turkey: You cut and put sauce on it. Then you cook it for 18 minutes at 19 degrees. Then you eat it with stuffing.

Jordyn — Turkey: First you have to cut it up and put it on a plate in the oven for 9 minutes and 18 degrees. Then you dig it out of the oven and eat it.

Grace — Turkey: First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again. And then you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15 minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven and then you eat it.

Alan — Turkey: First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You put it on plates and then you eat it.

Jordan Salvatore — Turkey: First you put it in the oven for 15 minutes at 100 degrees. Then you cut it up and then you eat it.

Jordan Simons — Chocolate Pudding: Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you eat it.

Whitney — Turkey: Cut it and put it in the oven for 50 minutes at 60 degrees and then you eat it.

Jason — Chicken Pie: Put the chicken in the pot and put the salad and cheese and mustard and then you mix it all together. Then put chicken sauce and stir it all around again. Then you cook it for 5 minutes at 9 degrees. Then you eat it.

Ivette — Banana Pie: You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it.

Christopher — Pumpkin Pie: First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done. And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees. Then you eat it.

Christine — Turkey: First you buy the turkey. Then you cook it for 5 hours and 5 degrees. Then you cut it up and you eat it.

Ashley — Chicken: Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.

Jennie — Corn: My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then you eat it.

Jordan — Cranberry Pie: Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.

Adam — Pumpkin Pie: First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out and eat it.

Jarryd — Deer Jerky: Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.

Christina — Turkey: Get the turkey. Put it in the oven. Cook it for 43 minutes at 35 degrees. Put it on a plate, cut it up, then eat it.

Joplyn — Apple Pie: Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9 degrees for 15 minutes.

Isabelle — Spaghetti: Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it. Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.

Bailey — Chicken: Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60 degrees. Then eat it.

Nicholas — White and Brown Pudding: First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then you eat it.

Sean — Turkey: Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out and eat it.

Lauren — Turkey: First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it. Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7 minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it. Then you eat it.

Olivia — Corn: Get hot water and put on stove. Wait for 8 minutes. Put corn in. Then put it on a plate. Then eat.

Siera — Pumpkin Pie: Get some pumpkin and dough for the crust. Get pumpkin pie cinnamon. Cook it for 20 minutes at 10 degrees.

Kayla — Turkey: Buy it. Take it home. Then you cook it. Put it in the oven for 1 hour. Take it out of the oven. Put it on a plate. Then you eat it.

Tommy — Pumpkin Pie: Get a pumpkin. Cook it. Eat it.

Get Creative Youth Ideas: "Holiday Collection" ebook Holiday Collection
Games and Activities in Celebration of common Holidays.

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

=> Tell me more about the Holiday Collection

Thanksgiving is Coming

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,
Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know.

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of ….Black November,
“Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you’ll get six meals instead of just three.

“And soon you’ll be thick, where once you were thin,
and you’ll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin,”
“And then one morning, when you’re warm in your bed,
In’ll burst the farmer’s wife, and hack off your head.”

“Then she’ll pluck out your feathers so you’re bald and pink,
Scoop out your insides and leave ya lyin’ in the sink.”
“And then comes the worst part” he said, almost blushing
“She’ll spread your cheeks and pack you with stuffing.”

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,
And decide right then that not to be cooked,
I’d have to lay low and remain overlooked.

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola,
And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed,
But ’twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound,
So now I’m a pet in the farmer’s wife’s lap,
I haven’t a worry, so I eat and I nap.

She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said “Christmas is coming…..”

Author Unknown

Get Creative Youth Ideas: "Holiday Collection" ebook Holiday Collection
Games and Activities in Celebration of common Holidays.

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

=> Tell me more about the Holiday Collection

God’s Voice Mail

What if God had voice mail ?

Imagine praying and hearing this:
“Thank you for calling My Father’s House. Please select one of the following four options:
Press 1 for requests…
press 2 for thanksgiving….
press 3 for complaints…
and Press 4 for all other inquiries.”

What if God used the familiar excuse:
“All the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line…your call will be
answered in the order it was received.”

Can you imagine getting these kind of responses as you called on God in prayer!…
“If you would like to speak with Gabriel, press 1..
Michael, press 2…
for any other angel, press 3.
And if you would like King David to sing psalm for you, press 4.”

“To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, enter his or her social security number.”

“For reservations at My Father’s House, press the letters J-O-H-N followed by the numbers 316.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah’s ark is,
wait until you get here”.

“Our computers show that you have called once today already. Please hang up immediately. This office is closed for the weekend. Please call again on Monday after 9:00 a.m.”

Thank God!…you don’t call Him too often…. you only need to ring once and God hears you. You’ll never get a busy signal. God takes each call and knows each caller personally.

“When you call, the Lord will answer. You will cry for help and He will say “Here I am.” ” Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for me with all your heart.” (Jer 29:12-13).

Thank goodness I have never called Him and was told His computer was down.

-Author Unknown

Get Icebreakers ebookIcebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

Wacky Warning Labels: Misc

Christmas lights
For indoor or outdoor use only.

6×10 inch inflatable picture frame
Not to be used as a personal flotation device.

Milk Crate
Theft of this container is a crime.

A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks
Harmful if swallowed.

cocktail napkin with a map of the waterways around Hilton Head, South Carolina
Not to be used for navigation.

A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material
Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device.

On an ocean buoy for determining the position of submarines
Protect from seawater.

Get Icebreakers ebookIcebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

Wacky Warning Labels: Cleaning Supplies

Toilet Bowl Cleaning Brush
Do not use orally.

A can of air freshener
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers.

bottle of drain cleaner
If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.

Get Icebreakers ebookIcebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

Wacky Warning Labels: knives and weapons

Korean Kitchen Knives
Keep out of children.

Sharpening Stone
Warning: knives are sharp!

A .22 caliber rifle
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

kitchen knife
Never try to catch a falling knife.

A can of self-defense pepper spray
May irritate eyes.

Get Icebreakers ebookIcebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

Strategies to Confuse Trick or Treaters

PARTY TIME
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.

TIME TO FIX IT
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.

SO WHO’s PAYING FOR IT
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

MARINE STYLE
Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.

THE WAITER
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the entrée menu.

THE DENTIST
Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

THE PILGRIM
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.

Get Creative Youth Ideas: "Holiday Collection" ebook Holiday Collection
Games and Activities in Celebration of common Holidays.

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

=> Tell me more about the Holiday Collection

Wacky Warning Labels: Pets and Pests

Dog Shampoo
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish

Insect Spray from New Zealand
This product not tested on animals

Insect Spray
Warning – this spray is harmful to bees

Rat Poison
Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Bottle of dried bobcat urine used to keep pests away from garden plants
Not for human consumption.

An electric cattle prod
For use on animals only.

Get Icebreakers ebookIcebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!