A woman came home from a nearby farm with two buckets of cow manure for her garden. “What’s that for?” Asked her 6-year-old daughter.

“The strawberries, ” Mom answered.

After staring at the buckets for a moment, the youngster asked, “Can I just have mine with whipped cream?”

The Fourth of July was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.”

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said, . . . “I’m not free. I’m four.”

As we celebrate Father’s Day today, I would like to share the following story about the effect that one father had on his family. This particular family had three small children who were determined to have a puppy. Mom protested because she knew that somehow or other, she would end up caring for the critter. True to form, the children solemnly promised that they would take care of it. Eventually, she relented and they brought their little puppy home. The children named him Danny and cared for him diligently – at first. But, sure enough, as time passed, Mom found herself becoming more and more responsible for taking care of the dog. Finally, she decided that the children were not living up to their promise so she began to search for a new home for Danny. When she found one and broke the news to the children, she was quite surprised that they had almost no reaction at all. One of them even said rather matter-of-factly, “We’ll miss him.”

“I’m sure we will,” Mom answered, “but he is too much work for one person and since I’m the one that has to do all the work, I say he goes.”

“But,” protested another child, “if he wouldn’t eat so much and wouldn’t be so messy, could we keep him?”

Mom held her ground, “It’s time to take Danny to his new home.” Suddenly, with one voice and with tears in their eyes, the children exclaimed, “Danny?

We thought you said Daddy!”

Holiday Collection

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

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Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence didn’t extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was:

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Adam replied

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.

“Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit?

Hey Eve! We got forbidden fruit!”

“No way!”

“Yes way!”

“DON’T EAT THAT FRUIT!” Said God.

“Why?”

“Because I am your Father and I said so!” said God, wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making elephants.

A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry.

Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” the First Parent asked.

“Uh huh,” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?”

“I dunno,” Eve answered.

“She started it!” Adam said.

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Did NOT!”

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never been changed.

Rev. Morgan Murray

Holiday Collection

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain

4 years: “My Daddy can do anything.”
7 years: “My Dad knows a lot, a whole lot.”
12 years: “Oh, well – naturally – Father doesn’t know that either.”
14 years: “Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.”
21 years: “Oh, that man is so out-of-date. What did you expect?”
25 years: “He knows a little bit about it – but not much.”
30 years: “Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.”
35 years: “Let’s ask Dad what he would do before we make a decision.”
40 years: “I wonder what Dad would have thought about that? He was pretty smart.”
50 years: “My Dad knew absolutely everything.”
60 years: “I’d give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss him.”

Thanks to Mikey’s Funnies: www.mikeysFunnies.com

Holiday Collection

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

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10. “Let me explain what ‘deductible’ means on car insurance.”
9. “Your mom’s almost ready. Where are we going on our double date?”
8. “Seems to me last year’s prom dress still has some life in it.”
7. “I signed us up for the pairs karaoke contest this Friday night.”
6. “We ate possum toes like popcorn when I was a kid.”
5. “Let’s get ice cream, my treat! Just let me grab my jar of coins.”
4. “I am proud that you decided to keep the family uni-brow.”
3. “You don’t need to go shopping after all. I picked out a purse for you on my way home.”
2. “I ran into Bobby at the grocery store. I told him that you’re really hoping he’ll ask you to the dance.”
1. “By the way, I had to borrow your deodorant yesterday.”

Holiday Collection

Creative Holiday Ideas has over 300 pages of ideas to help you plan your next New Year’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween or Fall Festival, and Thanksgiving event. If you’ve ever wondered what you’re going to do for all these holidays and how you’re going to do it, this resource is for you.

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A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn’t a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, “Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back.”

The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, “I beg your pardon?”

“Get three chairs for my Baptist friends,” repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.

Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. “Three chairs. For the Baptists,” he enunciated.

The usher’s face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.

“All right, everybody,” he called out to the assembled worshipers.

“Three cheers for the Baptists!”

Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!

• He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
• SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
• Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
• Carpal paw syndrome.
• He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail.”
• The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
• He can’t stick his head out of Windows XP.

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Icebreakers Ahead: Take It To the Next Level

This 170 page resource not only provides 52 of the world’s most popular group icebreaker activities and games, but also includes lesson ideas and discussion questions to smoothly transition into conversations about the issues common to most groups.

Click here to find out how to get your hands on this incredible resource!